A Few jokes About The Lucas Lights.

Lucas1Lucas2For a little bit of fun, just a few jokes about the very (in)famous Lucas lights.

The Lucas motto: “Get home before dark.”
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim “sudden, unexpected darkness”
Lucas–inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas–inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch–DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings–SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
Lucas dip-switch positions: LOW and BLOW (Bruce Miller, www.hermit.cc)
The original anti-theft devices–Lucas Electric products.
“I’ve had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob…
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It’s not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm’s Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner “How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?” “He replied, it doesn’t matter which one you use, nothing happens!”
Back in the ’70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn’t suck.Lucas3Lucas4
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Lucas engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: “Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.”
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
How to make AIDS disappear? Give it a Lucas parts number.
Recently, Lucas won out over Bosch to supply the electrical for the new Volkswagens. So, now the cars from the Black Forest will come with electrics supplied by the Lord of Darkness — how appropriate!
Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.

21 Responses to “A Few jokes About The Lucas Lights.”

  1. 1 Jim Castro Aug 21st, 2014 at 8:28 am

    After my Triumph and BSA in the 60’s: Lucas, Lord of Darkness……

  2. 2 grmp54 Aug 21st, 2014 at 9:22 am

    First street bike 67 Triumph 500. Hit the horn one night and sudden darkness enveloped me. Thank you Lucas for some great stories for all of us!

  3. 3 Bean're Aug 21st, 2014 at 9:47 am

    When the Germans were bombing Europe in World War II, they had orders NOT to bomb the Lucas plant.

  4. 4 TJ Martin Aug 21st, 2014 at 11:29 am

    The obvious and most widely used reference amongst GearHeads ;

    Lucas Prince of Darkness Electronics

    Standard joke ;

    Anyone that can fix Lucas electronics …. can fix anything

    Question ; What do the turn signal do ? Answer ; Turns on the radio . Question ; What are the knobs on the radio for ? Answer ; To turn on the lights . Question ; So how do you operate the turn signals then ? Answer ; By turning on the windshield wipers . Question ; So how in the heck do you operate the windshield wipers ? Answer ; You’re joking …. right ? 😉

  5. 5 john reed Aug 21st, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    why do the English drink warm beer ?

    because they have Lucas refrigerators

  6. 6 john reed Aug 21st, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    I should have been wearing Lucas glasses

  7. 7 Rodent Aug 21st, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    At least Joe Lucas was positive about the earth!

  8. 8 nicker Aug 21st, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    The electrical on my first Triumph build was a shorted/melted disaster.
    Then i got the manual and learned how to do Lucas had intended it to work.
    No more problems…….


  9. 9 burnout Aug 21st, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    Funny stuff but some of these ARE true!! peace

  10. 10 Woody Aug 21st, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Good ones. I only own one BSA, but at least 3 electrical systems for it 😉

  11. 11 Pop Aug 21st, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    One word… zener diode.
    Maybe that’s two words. I dunno. I’m not too good at this but neither was Lucas.

  12. 12 Iron Horse Aug 21st, 2014 at 6:41 pm

    My first bike in ’75 was a ’67 Triumph Tiger 650. Guess I was really lucky that I never had any problems with the electrical. However, trying to find wrenches back then that fit the Whitworth fasteners was maddening.

    Still wish I had that bike back, just ‘because’.

  13. 13 James just another crazy Kiwi Aug 21st, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    My 650 Bonnie tail light was ecologically sound as it a very infrequent user of power, But at least when I was being chased by the Police on those long cold dark winter nights I was harder to spot, making the get away easier.

    Conversely they were only wanting to pull me up be because my tail light was out.

    Chemically invoked paranoia caused me to grab a handful unless I knew I would only get the $15 dollar fine for no light. No Warrant, No registration. No licence were the other good reasons to proceed at full haste.

    Women and Police are very similar, as often the fun is all in the chase………

    What happens after can be very rewarding or damned uncivil

  14. 14 Zenaldo Aug 21st, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    After 2 Nortons as a kid back in the day, I definitely became an electrical engineer..because I had to be to get home with any certainty…I also lived on a hill so I always knew they’d start…

  15. 15 Sportster Mike Aug 22nd, 2014 at 2:24 am

    Had a Bonneville back in the day – a real one (not a Thai one) and Lucas WAS the Prince of Darkness well before Ozzy came along….

  16. 16 Jay Horton's Private Shop Aug 22nd, 2014 at 8:18 am

    Everyone remember that big ugly zener…… ? The battery eliminators etc……? Ahhhh, Christ! and those long cold nights when the lights went from bright, to flicker, to that dull brownish -and that’s when you started to pucker? The Prince of Darkness for sure. Does make for some good stories. Later Jay

  17. 17 1550tc Aug 22nd, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Lucas masters of darkness

    Lucas why Englishman like warm beer

  18. 18 Pam Aug 22nd, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    I thought Lucas was the “Prince of Darkness”. Working with an old MG was FUN??!!!!

  19. 19 Barry Brown Aug 23rd, 2014 at 6:17 am

    Neither of the lights you pictured are made by Lucas. The one on the left is a Miller and the one on the right a Lucas repop. Are you using a Lucas computer Cyril?

  20. 20 Patumwan Aug 23rd, 2014 at 6:34 am

    Barry Brown. Thank you for enlightening me.

  21. 21 David Patterson Aug 23rd, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    I have re-wired my BSA. The only real Lucas left on the bike is the 3-phase alternator, the handlebar switches (carefully rebuilt by me), and the tail light housing and headlight shell (Hella QH inside.)
    In all fairness, I rode a Trident for many years. The only piece I had to replace regularly was the rectifier. Also, the Rita electronic ignition was an excellent piece of kit. I’ve used the others, they don’t come close to being as good.

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