Joke Of The Week

cyril-huze-joke44An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. “Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son. “Dear Papa, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.” Love, Vincent. At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son. “Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.” 
Love you, Vincent

6 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”

  1. 1 USAYGO Jun 26th, 2014 at 11:08 am

    At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife

    were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

    The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

    Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle

    had a pink penis.

    The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble

    interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

    He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual

    emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white,

    patriarchal society.

    ‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis

    also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay

    men in contemporary society’.

    After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said,

    ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

    ‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the

    gallery’, asked the couple?

    ‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied.

    ‘In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
    They’re just three Irish coal miners.
    The guy in the middle went home for lunch …

  2. 2 Jeff Nicklus Jun 26th, 2014 at 5:02 pm


    Golf Balls

    Some will scoff and others will see the truth in this lampoon.

    (Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf. My name is Trina. How can I help you?

    (Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.

    (Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help you.

    (Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls.

    (Receptionist) Sir, Pro V1’s do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite, or Callaway Blue.

    (Customer) But I have played Pro V1 for years.

    (Receptionist) The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable, so we have instructed Titleist to stop makiing them. TopFlites are better, sir, I am sure you will love them.

    (Customer) But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better?

    (Receptionist) That is all spelled out in the 2700 page “Affordable Golf Ball Act” passed by Congress.

    (Customer) Well, how much are these TopFlites?

    (Receptionist) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package?

    (Customer) What’s the difference?

    (Receptionist) 12, 24, 36 or 48 balls.

    (Customer) The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?

    (Receptionist) It depends, sir; what is your monthly income?

    (Customer) What does that have to do with anything?

    (Receptionist) I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy. In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department.

    (Customer) BallAid?

    (Receptionist) Yes, golf balls are a right, everyone has a right to golf balls. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.

    (Customer) Who said they were a right?

    (Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.

    (Customer) Whoa…..I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding golf balls as a right.

    (Receptionist) There’s no explicit mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he believes it would have been included if the Constitution had not been drafted by a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress and the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a right guaranteed by the Constitution.

    (Customer) I don’t believe this.

    (Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?

    (Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo the balls this year.

    (Receptionist) In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.

    (Customer) Why?

    (Receptionist) To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.

    (Customer) WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying golf balls.

    (Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income.

    (Customer)(interrupting) This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $49.50.

    (Receptionist) Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.

    (Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a ripoff!!

    (Receptionist) Actually, sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

    (Customer) Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.

    (Receptionist) Sorry to hear that, sir, that’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

    (Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?

    (Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates, sir.

    (Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)

    (Receptionist) That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf, have a nice day…and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

    Over & Out,


  3. 3 nicker Jun 26th, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    That fits perfectly…….!!!!!

    But just remember……..
    “…after the revolution (Comrade) wrong thinking will be punished and only right thinking will be rewarded…”

    See you in the Reeducation Camp……. 🙂


  4. 4 USAYGO Jun 27th, 2014 at 11:17 am

    Adolph Obama needs to go!!!

  5. 5 Martin Twofeather Jun 29th, 2014 at 7:44 pm


  6. 6 nicker Jun 29th, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    An old lady carrying her sewing basket walks up to an E-biker and says:

    “Sonny, I was gonna ask if I could borrow your machine to hem my skirt? But where do ya mount the needle and bobbin.”

    Overhearing the conversation, a Metrosexual butts in and says,
    ” Wel, I got-a needle but how high can we get on “bobbin”…???”


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