Joke Of The Week

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?”  The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, “To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth.”

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. “Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?” The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!” The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!” The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?” “Yes! He only has one ear!” The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused too!” The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but….” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,     “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about this man?” The blonde said, “I sure did. This man wears lenses. “The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears s! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?” The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well,  Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

3 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”

  1. 1 fuji Aug 28th, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    Very touching
    A Homeless Man’s funeral .
    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

    As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

    I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

    Apparently I’m still lost….

  2. 2 fuji Aug 30th, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Just got an E-Mail from a motorcycle builder just out side of Houston. most of you know him.

    He went fishing this morning but after a short time he ran out of worms.

    Then he saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.

    Knowing the snake couldn’t bite him with the frog in his mouth he grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in his bait bucket.

    Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bitten. So, he grabbed his bottle of ” Jack Daniels ” and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

    His eyes rolled back, he went limp.

    He released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

    A little later, he felt a nudge on his foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

    Life is good in Texas (or wherever there’s JD!-=).

  3. 3 just my opinion Sep 1st, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    an 80 year old virgin goes to her doctor and say’s ” doc I think I may have crabs”
    doc asks her if she is still a virgin and if she has been around any areas she may have gotten crabs?
    The old woman with a slight additude answers ” yes I am still a virgin and No I have not been any strange places”

    OK say’s the doc lets take a look.

    Doc soon see’s the problem.
    “I have good news and bad news, You most deffinately do not have crabs but your cherry has gone bad and you have fruit fly’s”

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